 
"WOMEN SEEKING MEN"
CODE WORD----MEANS
40-ish----48.
Adventurer----Has had more partners than you ever will.
Affectionate----Possessive.
Artist----Unreliable.
Athletic----Flat chested.
Average looking----Ugly.
Beautiful----Pathological liar.
Commitment-minded----Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important----Just try to get a word in edgewise.
Contagious Smile----Bring your penicillin.
Educated----College dropout.
Emotionally Secure----Medicated.
Employed----Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home.
Enjoys art and opera----Snob.
Enjoys Nature----Bring your own granola.
Exotic Beauty----Would frighten a Martian.
Feminist Fat----ball buster.
Financially Secure----One paycheck from the street.
Free spirit----Substance user.
Friendship first----Trying to live down reputation as slut.
Fun----Annoying.
Gentle----Comatose.
Good Listener----Borderline Autistic.
Humorous Caustic Intuitive----Your opinion doesn't count.
In Transition----Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills.
Light drinker----Lush.
Looks younger----If viewed from far away in bad light.
Loves Travel----If you're paying.
Loves Animals----Cat lady.
Mature----Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed like last boyfriend did.
New-Age----All body hair, all the time.
Non-traditional----Ex-husband lives in the basement.
Old-fashioned----Lights out, missionary position only.
Open-minded----Desperate.
Outgoing----Loud.
Passionate----Loud.
Petite----Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins.
Poet----Depressive Schizophrenic.
Professional----Bitch.
Redhead----Shops on the Clairol aisle.
Reliable----Frumpy.
Reubenesque----Grossly Fat.
Self-employed----Jobless.
Smart----Insipid.
Special----Rode the short schoolbus.
Spiritual----Involved with a cult.
Stable----Boring.
Tall, thin----Anorexic.
Tan----Wrinkled.
Wants Soulmate----One step away from stalking.
Widow----Nagged first husband to death.
Writer----Pompous.
Young at heart----Toothless crone.
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Sooo, where's the male side of that list? Here's a start:
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"MEN SEEKING WOMEN"
CODE WORD----MEANS
40-ish----52 and looking for 25-yr-old.
Affectionate----Needy and looking for mother-figure.
Athletic----Sits on the couch and watches ESPN.
Average looking----Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back.
Distinguished-looking----Fat, grey & bald.
Educated----Will always treat you like an idiot.
Employed----On management track at Radio Shack.
Financially Secure----I will spend some money on you, in return for which
I will expect you to obey my every whim for theduration of your mortal
life. Free Spirit----Sleeps with your sister.
Friendship first----As long as friendship involves nudity.
Fun----Good with a remote and a six pack.
Good looking----Arrogant bastard.
Honest----Pathological Liar.
Huggable----Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben.
ISO Slim----Attractive female would be better off with a labrador retriever.
Light drinker----Headed for AA.
Like to cuddle----Insecure, overly dependent.
Like romantic walks on----I read Cosmo and think this is what you the bitch wants to hear.
Mature----Until you get to know him.
Open-minded----Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested.
Physically fit----I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself.
Poet----Once wrote on a bathroom stall while constipated.
Professional----Owns a white button down.
Reliable----Shows up on time--give or take 3 hours.
Self-employed----Same as for women and eat nachos all weekend.
Sensitive----Needy.
Smart----Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV.
Spiritual----Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter.
Stable----Occasional stalker, but never arrested.
Thoughtful----Says "Please" when demanding a beer.
Virile----Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out.
Young at heart----Pedophile. freezer door.
A duck walks into a bar. bartender says can I help you ? duck says do you have any
crackers? bartenders says no duck leaves comes back to the bar walks up to the bartender
asks do you have any crackers bartender says no so the duck leaves and comes back the next
day asks the bartender do you have any crackers bartender gets mad I told you yesterday no
if you ask me again I will nail your beak to the wall so the duck leaves comes back the
next day asks do you have any nails bartender says no duck says well in that case do you
have any crackers...?
Guy runs into a Bar and hops up on a table. He whips his pants down and starts jerkin'
off. the bartender comes up to him and says, 'What the Fuck are you doing?? Quit it and
get out!" The guy replies, "But the sign outside said 'First Come First Serve'!
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they
offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran
into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of
juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters,
longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the
bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "
I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the
little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist
around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!! As the crowd cheered, the bartender
paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a
lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The scrawny little man replied "I work
for the IRS."
Man walks into a bar to find a chinese bartender. Man says "I'll have a stoley
with a twist." Bartender says "Once upon a time there were 4 little pigs."
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